Musical Chairs: A Solo Ager's Story
In December 1970, I celebrated Christmas with my family, unaware of the loss that lay ahead. After losing my brother, parents, and husband, I now face the holidays alone as a "solo ager." While I enjoy holiday gatherings, returning to an empty home can feel like being the last one chosen in a game of Musical Chairs, isolated in my grief.
Believing a Griever: A Poem
Losing someone they love is heartbreaking and often feels like an endless struggle. Just because they may seem okay doesn’t mean they are. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and it’s important to understand that they will never be the same person they were before their loss. Please believe them and be there for them.
Grief Deserves Validation Without Comparison
In my journey through loss, I've learned about “internal comparative suffering.” It’s a way I cope, comparing past grief to present challenges. This method helps me find perspective, but I’ve realized that it’s crucial not to impose my comparisons on others. Everyone’s pain is personal and unique.
What Not To Say When Someone is Grieving
As I continue to explore why we often say the wrong things to someone who's grieving, I've realized we're conditioned to listen just to respond. In a world obsessed with positivity, we struggle to address real sadness. I’ll share insights on better ways to communicate grief in future posts.
On a Scale of 0-10: Grieving Deeply
Have you ever been asked to rate your pain on a scale of 0-10? I’ve realized that we can apply this same idea to our emotional pain and grief. Every person's experience is different, and understanding that is key. Let’s talk about how recognizing this can help us support each other through our losses.
File Under "Stupid Stuff People Say"
At a recent charity luncheon, a well-meaning comment left me questioning the notion of “living the dream.” After sharing my journey through grief, I realized the importance of understanding how words can impact those navigating loss. Join me as I reflect on the complexities of grief and the often misunderstood phrases that people offer in support.
From LA to NYC: Advocate Adventures
I’ve been busy traveling, speaking, and learning about end-of-life preparation and caregiver support. I recently launched a free download called A Griever’s Guide to the Major Days, which has gained a lot of interest. If you find it helpful, please share it with others who may need support.
Single Days & Seasons: Reflections on Grief Anniversaries
In 1983, I received life-changing news while in college. My youngest brother, David, was in a coma after an accident. As I mark 40 years since his passing, I reflect on how his loss shaped me and how I cope with memories of my loved ones. Join me as I share my journey of grief and remembrance.
Finding Peace in a Small Town Cemetery
This summer in Santa Fe has been a beautiful escape for me after losing my family. I reconnected with friends, took some watercolor classes, and finally visited my brother's grave after many years. It was a touching moment that reminded me of the love and memories we share.
Navigating grief, growth, and 40-year high school reunions
It’s been a while since I wrote, and 2023 is a year of memories for me. This marks 40 years since I graduated high school and also since I lost my brother, David. Reflecting on these significant anniversaries brings up emotions and memories that still shape my life today.
Arts & Letters Radio for HDW's 3rd Anniversary
I can’t believe it’s been three years since the launch of The Hospice Doctor’s Widow: A Journal. To celebrate, I’m thrilled to share my first interview about the book on Arts & Letters Radio. It features my late husband Bob’s voice, reminding us to cherish memories in the midst of grief.
Soaring Spirits for Widow Support
I'm excited to share that I've joined the Board of Directors at Soaring Spirits International, an organization that supports all widowed people, including men and LGBTQ individuals. They offer helpful resources like a free Newly Widowed Packet and virtual meetups to connect with others facing similar losses.
5 Things I Would Never Do: The Griever’s Edition
I never thought I'd be a micro-influencer on death, but here I am. My recent Twitter post caught people’s attention, sparking conversations about grief that we often avoid. It’s crucial to support friends through loss, offering understanding, presence, and patience, even when it’s uncomfortable.
How I transitioned from long-distance caregiver to griever...
Six weeks ago, I transitioned from being a long-distance caregiver to my father to becoming a griever after his passing. I faced unique challenges, from dealing with estrangement to navigating the chaos of his unpreparedness for death. Reflecting on this journey, I understand the importance of planning and communication in caregiving.
I want to share a new habit that has been helping me...
For a long time, I’ve worked on being kinder to myself. Recently, I started a practice of reflecting each evening on what I’m proud of achieving, no matter how small. Writing this list helps me shift my mindset from self-criticism to self-appreciation, especially during tough evenings.
Precious Time
I recently created a simpler black-and-white version of the art representing "Precious Time," a phrase Bob used to describe moments before death. This time is crucial for saying what matters most, avoiding regrets, and ensuring we support one another through our grief. My own memories remind me of its significance.
New York, New Art, Same Aunt Jen
After losing my brother David, I grieved the relationship we'd never have and the chance to be an aunt. But through my friendships, I've embraced a new role as Aunt Jen. None of my "nieces" are blood-related, yet they mean the world to me, reminding me that family can be chosen.
Deconstructing the saying "time heals"
Losing my brother David in 1983 was a profound loss that changed my life. I always thought “time heals,” but I've learned that grief doesn’t disappear. It evolves. My love and memories of David remain, a constant in a world that keeps moving. Grieving is a testament to love, not a sign of weakness.
The most wonderful feedback to receive
When I decided to publish my art journal during one of the saddest times of my life, I never expected it would win multiple awards! It's been scary to share my story, but receiving such positive feedback reminds me that my experiences can help others. I'm excited to see how it's making a difference in people's lives.
My book won a special award!
During my darkest moments, I turned to art journaling, not just to heal myself but to support others as well. I’m thrilled to share that my book, The Hospice Doctor’s Widow: A Journal, has been recognized with a Silver Nautilus Award for its impact. My gratitude for this journey is beyond words.