What Not To Say When Someone is Grieving

Continuing on my quest to answer the question, “Why do we (myself included) say stupid stuff when faced with someone’s grief?”

One reason is we have been conditioned to listen to respond rather than to listen to hear. As someone is talking, we are thinking, “She is going to stop soon, and I will be expected to say something.”

Secondly, we are living in a time and society where #happy, #beautiful, and #instagood are all in the top ten hashtags of all time. This only-good-vibes culture leaves us lost and incapable when faced with truly sad, serious news. Further, all our go-to responses to challenges, adversity, or even another type of loss (job, break-up, etc) just don’t work in response to a death. Even when we attempt to use the condolence equivalent of these old standards, it really doesn’t work. Check out the table below.

Please strike these responses from your grief and condolences lexicon. I will share more thoughts on alternatives to these in a future newsletter. Please respond with your alternatives if you like.