5 Things I Would Never Do: The Griever’s Edition
I will say it: I am a micro-influencer on a topic that no one wants to talk about – death. Nowhere has this been more true than on my itsy-bitsy Twitter account and my gross reluctance to post videos. On September 29, I posted this on my Twitter and other social media accounts:
Because my Twitter presence is so uneventful, I have it set to notify me when something happens with my account. Within a few hours of this post, my phone was whistling at me so often I had to turn the notification off if I was going to get any work done. I am pleased and astounded to tell you that this Twitter post has finally slowed down in activity — reaching over 6,000 likes, 300+ retweets, nearly 600 supportive and understanding comments, and has been viewed by 126,000 users.
A couple of weeks later, I noticed a trend called 5 Things I Would Never Do, where experts post a short video sharing five things they would never do based on their experience and expertise. I watched the cardiologist, ophthalmologist, and real estate agent editions. Then, I decided, albeit reluctantly, that I would record my own 5 Things I Would Never Do: The Griever’s Edition.
I was proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone by recording a video. I also passively posted it on my personal Facebook account with no expectations whatsoever. As I write this, just four days after it went up, I can report that it has 11,600 views and over 200 shares!
All of this is to say that, as reluctant as people are to talk about the end of life, most who have experienced the death of a loved one need to talk about it and feel heard when it comes to their grief and the after loss. Even if they don’t want to talk about it, I promise you, they don’t want to feel forgotten, and they certainly don’t want to be told – no matter how long it has been – to get over it.
When a friend is going through the loss of a loved one, the best we can do is:
Offer understanding even when we don’t understand.
Be present even when we want to run away or pretend nothing has changed.
Give patience even when all we really want to do is fix it.
Continue to check in and invite even when there’s no response or acceptance.