Musical Chairs: A Solo Ager's Story
In December 1970, I celebrated Christmas with my family, unaware of the loss that lay ahead. After losing my brother, parents, and husband, I now face the holidays alone as a "solo ager." While I enjoy holiday gatherings, returning to an empty home can feel like being the last one chosen in a game of Musical Chairs, isolated in my grief.
Grief Deserves Validation Without Comparison
In my journey through loss, I've learned about “internal comparative suffering.” It’s a way I cope, comparing past grief to present challenges. This method helps me find perspective, but I’ve realized that it’s crucial not to impose my comparisons on others. Everyone’s pain is personal and unique.
On a Scale of 0-10: Grieving Deeply
Have you ever been asked to rate your pain on a scale of 0-10? I’ve realized that we can apply this same idea to our emotional pain and grief. Every person's experience is different, and understanding that is key. Let’s talk about how recognizing this can help us support each other through our losses.
Navigating the Shift: Life-Sustaining Care to Hospice
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the emotional shift caregivers face when their loved ones enter hospice care. This phase is about providing comfort, making the most of precious time, and finding the right hospice organization to support us. It’s important to know we don’t have to go with the first option given to us.
Single Days & Seasons: Reflections on Grief Anniversaries
In 1983, I received life-changing news while in college. My youngest brother, David, was in a coma after an accident. As I mark 40 years since his passing, I reflect on how his loss shaped me and how I cope with memories of my loved ones. Join me as I share my journey of grief and remembrance.
Finding Peace in a Small Town Cemetery
This summer in Santa Fe has been a beautiful escape for me after losing my family. I reconnected with friends, took some watercolor classes, and finally visited my brother's grave after many years. It was a touching moment that reminded me of the love and memories we share.
Navigating grief, growth, and 40-year high school reunions
It’s been a while since I wrote, and 2023 is a year of memories for me. This marks 40 years since I graduated high school and also since I lost my brother, David. Reflecting on these significant anniversaries brings up emotions and memories that still shape my life today.
5 Things I Would Never Do: The Griever’s Edition
I never thought I'd be a micro-influencer on death, but here I am. My recent Twitter post caught people’s attention, sparking conversations about grief that we often avoid. It’s crucial to support friends through loss, offering understanding, presence, and patience, even when it’s uncomfortable.
How I transitioned from long-distance caregiver to griever...
Six weeks ago, I transitioned from being a long-distance caregiver to my father to becoming a griever after his passing. I faced unique challenges, from dealing with estrangement to navigating the chaos of his unpreparedness for death. Reflecting on this journey, I understand the importance of planning and communication in caregiving.
Precious Time
I recently created a simpler black-and-white version of the art representing "Precious Time," a phrase Bob used to describe moments before death. This time is crucial for saying what matters most, avoiding regrets, and ensuring we support one another through our grief. My own memories remind me of its significance.
New York, New Art, Same Aunt Jen
After losing my brother David, I grieved the relationship we'd never have and the chance to be an aunt. But through my friendships, I've embraced a new role as Aunt Jen. None of my "nieces" are blood-related, yet they mean the world to me, reminding me that family can be chosen.
Deconstructing the saying "time heals"
Losing my brother David in 1983 was a profound loss that changed my life. I always thought “time heals,” but I've learned that grief doesn’t disappear. It evolves. My love and memories of David remain, a constant in a world that keeps moving. Grieving is a testament to love, not a sign of weakness.
Messages of Thanks
Recently, I received heartfelt messages from readers of my art journal, The Hospice Doctor’s Widow: A Journal. One caregiver shared how my book inspired her to connect with her partner emotionally. I’m excited to announce a virtual program this Saturday with the Six Bridges Book Festival to discuss the book and art journaling!