True Story: What Would You Do?

I have a friend, we’ll call her Helen. Helen has been happily married to Fred for 33 years. A second marriage for both of them, Helen and Fred are now in their mid70s. Back in the day, Fred was a bright-eyed, brilliant attorney and musician and absolutely filled with love and affection for Helen. I say was because about five years ago, Fred suffered a severe stroke leaving him: somewhat physically debilitated; unable to express himself clearly and fully; and emotionally, well, he is an entirely different person. Since his stroke, Fred is needy and grumpy most of the time. Sometimes, he is even somewhat combative.

Helen is Fred’s only family caregiver. She has known for years now that Fred will never return to being the man he once was. She is resigned to the fact that this, possibly further deterioration, is what is in store for the rest of their lives together. And while Helen is as devoted to Fred as she was on the starry night they were wed, she knows he is profoundly frustrated and unhappy with what his life has become. Largely confined to the house except for doctor appointments, he does not even listen to music anymore, much less create it.

Over the last couple of weeks, Fred has been especially unwell. He has experienced fever, some delirium, loss of appetite, and had to be admitted to the hospital a few days ago. He has been diagnosed with a urinary tract infection and kidney failure. While the urinary tract infection is being treated with antibiotics, the doctor explained to Helen that the treatment for Fred’s kidney failure is dialysis. Dialysis will need to be done twice a week, for several hours each time, at an outpatient facility in town. Without the dialysis treatment, they will make Fred comfortable for the remainder of his life, which is likely to be days possibly a couple of weeks.

What should Helen do? What would you do?